BE STILL AND KNOW
I was sent this link of a memory of an encounter with Jesus
RE: Christmas Eve vision of Jesus
I was raised an athiest.
Not even agnostic.
No gods..fairies..santas or bunnies…Beleived nothing at all.
I saw all the trouble and confusion it caused and wanted nothing to do with it.
I see christians always fighting and debating and being hypocrites all the time.
I see new agers not really having a clue what it is they actually beleive in, and going in circles.
I see all the other religions all banging their head on a wall but achieving nothing but headaches.
I wanted no part in it and still dont.
But I had a dream /vision when I was 15 that changed my life, but it was not until about a year ago it took effect, and according to the dream it will not be until after tomorrow, when I turn 44, that it finds fulfillment.
I was 15...still a kid..but wondering what it was all about, seeing as everything was so totally pointless and without a reason or a goal.
Being an athiest is the most pointless life one can live..so empty of purpose or meaning.
And like all kids I needed purpose and meaning.
So the dream./vision...
It was september the 28th 1984....a day I will never forget, because its the day my life was taken right OUT of my hands, and I realised that none of us really have a choice...only a will directed by the one who makes the choices.
I remember so clearly..sitting on my bed that night...looking out the window at the stars. Wondering why they were there..what purpose they served..if any at all. I remember asking the same thing of myself..what was my purpose..did I have a purpose...or was it all pointless..an illusion..meaningless and dead?
That night I lay down on my bed..still wondering what it was all about...and I had a dream....or a vision..not sure which but it was incredibly vivid..I was there..could feel..hear..smell....
Where was I?
(Keep in mind up UNTIL that point I had never even looked into a bible or any religious book..so what I saw was not previously planted in there)
One moment I was on my bed..in a half awake half sleep state..a trance you might call it. That zone you are in where you are still aware but also..not aware.I found myself about 200 meters in the air...an air that was NOT air as we know it.I looked around in shock...I was there..this was no dream..I panicked at first cause I thought I was dead..and for all I know..I was.
After adjusting to this "Shock" I was able to look around me..where I was...and what I saw....Spreading around me in every direction to a horizon that just was not there..was THE most incredible landscape I have ever seen. No majestic scene on earth comes close to this..awesome..the SCOPE of it...endless..and solid and real.
Vast jungles..parks..majestic mighty mountains..oceans the size of earth itself..and lakes as big as oceans.
Waterfalls a hundred kilometers high..mighty rivers packed with life..crystal clear...the trees...small and great..colourful..detailed..each one unique and some full of flowers of colours vivid and bright..some full of fruit of weird shapes and hue.
ALL was alive..in a life that was LIFE..not just living things..but LIVING beings..they were not just alive..they WERE life in its essence...each leaf..blade of grass..creature and fish..bird and reptile..were not JUST alive..its like they WERE EMANATING life...
This mighty and majestic landscape went on and on.
What I thought were small hills in the distance, turned out to be mighty mountain ranges that make the himalayas look like a badly thought up joke in comparison.
The waterfall immediatly to my left upon arrival there...WOW...it was (I later found out) over 300 kilometers form where I floated..and even at that distance it was so utterly magnificent...rising up and up..above eye level..like looking UP at a river..It decended down the side of a "small"(compared to some of the other mountains there) 100 kilometer high cliff face...falling..cascading..majestic..and throwing of rainbows in its mighty mist...
I could go on and on about the details..but I am going to stick with the main part...and that is..WHO was standing "Or floating" there beside me..who until that moment I had not noticed..
I turned to my right...and...wow...there was this bloke...who I Immediatley KNEW was The creator of all I saw. I didnt know his name..I just KNEW HE was responsible for it all..
He was about 6 foot...medium build..strong..yet supple..he had an air of authority about him..like a mighty fighter who could whip anyones but with ease..and KNEW it..but was humble and gentle and didnt brag about it.
His hair was white...but not from age..more of a symbol of purity kind of white. Like a judge would wear a white wig as a symbol. But this hair was no wig. It was his own.
He wore a sort of robe..not ancient..yet not modern. Like a royal robe of state. Across his chest from right shoulder to left hip was a red/purple sash about 6 inches wide, interwoven with gold threads.
The robe went to just above his ankles. He had sandals on. But not ancient looking. More of a modern look. But in looking there..at his feet...I saw holes in them...Then with a shock..I saw his hands..they too had holes in them..just at the ends of his wrists..each hole about half an inch wide. There was no blood and the wounds were not festy or horrible. They..were worn like a status symbol..a mark..more than an annoying wound.I had the urge to kneel..but realised I didnt have a body to kneel with.
So I just looked at him..KNOWING he could read every thought...and knew my intent was to kneel if only I could have..
He just smiled at me..joy glittering in his eyes..eyes..so..blue..gold..green...all colours..fire..eyes of fire..like an opal of magnificent brilliance.
He seemed to radiate a real..freindliness..happiness..total peace..yet utter and mighty authority.
You felt at ease with him..yet so humbled as well.
I finally said to him(Well..I thought it)...."You are God?"
He said simply..."(I AM)"
I thought to myself "This cant be real..there IS no "God"...I am imagining all this..I MUST be..."He smiled even broader..if that were possible..like he was amused at my simple yet certain belief in nothing. It was not a snide enjoyment he was feeling..it was more like you would smile at a toddler who said something cute.
He said, knowing my turmoil and thoughts, "Come..let me show you your destiny"as we started moving through this "Air" that was not air...gliding off at about 60 k an hour it seemed. I was able to measure the speed we were moving, because we floated over a sort of highway with trees planted at regular intervals along it.
It was a twin highway..divided in two by a river. The river was about 40 meters across..clear as crystal..pure and so inviting. I had the urge to go and swim in it for some reason...even though I didnt actually have a solid body.
The highway was about 15 meters across on each side of the river. And spaced about 200 meters apart were bridges.There were people down there below us..ordinary ..people..some dressed in modern garb..some in robes like togas..some wearing nothing but light..if thats possible. All were people..they looked to be about 25 or so..healthy..vibrant..solid and real.
I saw children as well..playing in the river..laughing and jumping off the bridges into the water.Laughter..lots of laughter and joy. It seemd to permeate this amazing place. Here and there among the people I saw beings..LIKE people but different. Taller...powerful..yet gentle. Talking to people..walking with them..some carried books and other things. They seems to be instructing..and also being instructed. Like they were learning as well.(These, as it turns out, were angels..and NO..they DID NOT have wings)
I saw benches..tables..set along the river under the trees. People and beings alike would sit and talk..smiling..laughing..some in deep thought or conversation..some being lighthearted,,some being serious..like they were contemplating some new revelation they had just stumbled upon.
In all it was a very busy..yet very relaxed scene.
The trees themselves were amazing. Mighty branches..spreading out in majestic awnings of life over the river and the benches below. I saw fruit in the trees..gold..green..ornage..purple..blue..all sorts of colours. People were picking the fruit here and there and casually eating it..like it was just the "Done" thing...and there were no scraps. There were no pips or skins left over.
People looked up at us as we passed overhead. They waved and smiled..at BOTH of us..yes..I was very visible to them. I was not sure how to wave back..because I had no body to wave with.
"Jesus" or "Yeshuah" or whatever you want to call him...waved back..smiling..laughing..joyful and at peace with his creatures.
I looked out beyond..to what was ahead of us. I saw fields. Stretching on and on and on..I saw lights dotted here and there over these fields.
I asked "Jesus" "What are those lights? "He said.."They are cities..or towns. Dwellings and hubs of commerce.""Commerce" I thought? Of what USE is commerce in this place?
He just looked at me and smiled..and said "you will know in time..see..there is our destination" He said..pointing directly to the end of the highway...
I looked..way way ahead...seemed like thousands of ks..into the far distance...there was a bright light..like a brilliant sunrise..multi hued..radiating colours beyond description...and the music...you could FEEL the music coming from it. It was everywhere..yet I was not actually concious of it till I concentrated on it. Harmony..pure harmony..rising from one stanza to the next..to reach a crescendo..only to fade out into the next phaze..ever building to a climax..but never reaching it..music without beat..without end..timeless..eternal..pure..
I was STUNNED...nothing on earth was anything like this music of colour blended with sound...had I had a body I would have exploded in sheer joy at just five seconds of exposure to this eternal symphony...I was surrounded by it from the moment I arrived..but not until THIS moment had I actually put my focus on it..
I was hooked...
I said (Or thought) in stunned amazement..."WHAT is THAT?"
HE smiled and said simply.."THAT..is the capital..where my father dwells..and where we are now going"
So on we went. He was talking to me the whole time..but I was not really paying attention. I was utterly wrapped up with where we were heading..trying to lose myself in the eternal song...I wanted to BE the song..to join with it.
But try as I might I could not quite grasp the flow of it. It changed from one moment to the next..always ascending into a new and unique stanza..and just when I thought I "Had" it, and was about to hum along with it..it would blend and change into something new..and no two stanzas EVER repeated..each was unique..each a masterpeice..each never to be heard again..as ever new stanzas were created and blended into the whole..always bulding..always growing..always new..always..utterly without description.
He kept speaking to me..telling me of events to come in my life..main points and turnings in my life ahead. I was half aware of what he was saying..but he knew I was lost in the song.
And this was why he waited until I was lost in the song to tell me.Because everything he told me about my life ahead was forgotten on my concious level..like a half remembered dream. But as each event actually took place in my life, the memory would surface..like a vivid DejaVu..and it would all be clear...and I would KNOW this event..good or bad..was ALL part of the plan.
We traveled for what seemed like days...or hours..or minutes..its hard to tell time in a place that has no time.He laid out my entire life before me..from conception to birth, to the present(That moment when I was 15) to the very end..which is only a few years away now ..going by the events and their sequence.
Tomorrow I turn 44..THAT year is PIVOTAL for me(AND..for the world as a whole).
As to why??..well..its something he said when we reached the capital. I will get to that soon..because I want to describe the capital..its AWESOME..and one heck of a work of master building and insane architecture..(Insane as in AWESOME..not crazy).As we drew closer the music did not get "Louder"..it was at the same volume no matter where you were. But the light display that accopmpanied it grew ever more brilliant.
The colours would flow with the music..each wave of scintialting fire..colour fire...wove through the sounds as they emanated from the center..like and explosion of coreographed fireworks accompanying the music. The sounds were the colours..and the colours were the source of the sound.
The center..where the brilliance emenated from, still seemed hundreds of kilometres away...still set on this impossible horizon that was not a horizon..and at this point we reached the outskits of the main capital..and WOW....
I saw the first buildings. Modest really. Reasonably "Simple"..compared with what I saw further in. But even these "Simple" structures put to shame anything on earth.
Take your basic hovel there for example...the LOWEST of the simple buildings...I focussed upon one in particular, just to burn into my memory what the LEAST of the creative powers of the master builder was capable of..It was about the size of your average house here on earth.
It was contructed of pure elements.
There were no bricks or mortar..no alloys or mixtures. Each part of that building was pure element.For example..the windows..framed with a rich ebony like substance, shot through with gold veins.
Each pane was..what LOOKED like pure diamond..or crystal. The walls of the house were like a sort of moonstone..opaque..yet solid. Light flowed in and through the walls themselves..like a fibre optic cable in actual apllication.
The light was taken from all around and magnified throughout the house. The windows whould break the light into amazing colours and decorate the interior with rainbows of fantastic hue..then the walls would absorb and magnify the light, and sent it streaming outward..to the house next to it..and the process would repeat..along each house..all sharing this amazing visual display and amplifying it to its peak..only to send it along again to the next dwelling..and the next...
I was uttlery flabberghasted...WHAT a design..and the mind who thought up this amazing idea of optical brilliance must be unfathomable.
I looked at the creator there next to me...amazed at how brilliant he was..that even the "Simplest" of his building designs were thousands of light years beyond the most brilliant minds of earth.
I saw Him with an ever increasing respect..and awe..He just looked at me and smiled again..enjoying the moment..like you would enjoy the look on your childs face as he sees with awe something his father had spent time and effort on contructing JUST for you...a sort of pride of workmanship..satisfaction in a job well done.
yes..he enjoyed making all thes contructs..he really enjoys creating things...and loves to challenge himself in each ones uniqueness from the next..and each ones amazing simple complexity.
He IS an artist without compare..and keep in mind..this was just one of his "SIMPLE" designs...there was far more amazing things ahead as we headed towards the center of the capital..I took my focus then off this one house..and noticed with awe..again..HOW the "Suburbs" were designed.
No two houses were the same..each had it own unique design..and yet..each and every house..some close to others..some farther apart..each one when seen from the air as we were...fit into a grander pattern.
Have you aver seen a fractal?...design and structure without end?
It was like that.
The suburbs were woven into an ever expanding pattern of extreme order..and no two streets..or houses..were the same..but all fit together into an amazing grand work of art.The very colours of the houses..silver..gold..platinum..marble of all hues..ebony..copper..crystal..diamond..amethyst..citrine..even a sort of purple metal that I could not name..all wove together to form an amazing tappestry of design.
Some single storey..some double..some tripple..and these were just the OUTTERMOST buldings...the "Simple" ones..and the light flowing through each house..from house to house..flowed from the center..the storm of ordered colour and sound..flowing throughout the houses..in an ever changing spiral of amazing complexity..lighting up the entire scene in a kalaediscope of utter amazement.
I simply could not grasp it all...I looked at my creator again...with awe..and he just enjoyed the moment..he even pointed out some unique parts of the design..like the way the river we had been following all this time was woven into the suburbs in vast spirals..interwoven waterways...each house having a small part of this river flowing near or through or under it..feeding the whole.
The main river flowed on ahead...surrounded by the most majestic lanscaping I have ever seen..parks..fountains..groves of trees planted in amazing patterns..according to size and colour..all woven around the river which was the main theme..all flowed from the river..and the river flowed from.....well..the THRONE.
There..in the distance..rising above the houses..was a bulding unlike all the others in size. But..it was also..easily recognised AS a throne. Hard to explain unless you actually see it. We travelled on and on...following the river...towards the center..where the light and sound had its source..
We began to rise up higher..we reached about..I would estimate..about ten kiloneters. He did this JUST so I could grasp SOME of the layout..and even then from that height the city stretched out seemingly forever..I could NOT see the edge of it..we were close to the center now..only a few hundred ks away.
I looked down in awe..yet again..as I saw SOME of the overall design.It was indeed a fractal..a very organic fractal. Spirals of ever increasing complexity..colours of amazing hue and vibrance flowed majestically through each "Suburb"..blending with the whole in an endless dance of incredible design and workmanship.
The river..flowing ever straight towards the center..the tributaries woven into and through the "Burbs" like a blue/silver lattice work..woven INTO the grand design like threads of a complex embroidery.
And everywhere..people..LOTS of people..and angels..and millions of children. Running..playing..having an awesome time. No tears...no cries..all happy and all having an absolute BLAST. The kids..I tell you..the kingdom of heaven IS theirs..there are SO MANY of them there.
But considering there are 30 million abortions each year..its not really suprising. I looked around..I saw ahead a"Blank" spot in the series of majestic spirals and parklands. A feild..a circle..of pure gold..like a feild of burnished glass..like a bright citrine colour. It was about 200 kilometers across from edge to edge. It was transparent..because I could see the river flowing UNDER it...from right under the structure in the center..the building that was ALSO a throne....and looked to be about two kilometers high. We began to descend towards it.
Gradually getting closer and closer..the feild was empty..not a thing stirred on it..not a bird flew over it..like..it was "Reserved" for something..untouchable until the moment its use was ready.The creator and I settle down and down..drifing closer and closer to the throne...and this is the weird part...AS we drew closer to the throne..WE either became bigger..OR..the throne became smaller...not sure which..The throne was white..pure white shot through with veins of goldlike fire.
Solid..eternal..and yet..it was also a structure..a dwelling. I never did get an explaination for that except to realise that it was also an "Admin" building..like a courthouse..seat of parliament..something like that.
We settled down right in front of it. I reached out to touch it..and then realised I had no body..as such. But I DID feel something...like a purity..awesome power of utter authority..like the place where ALL decisions are made and all cases ended.
This is where it got serious for me...There I "Stood"..at the base of the throne..KNOWING I had been there before..like a massive MASSIVE DejaVu hit me all at once.I RECOGNISED this sea of fire..of golden glass..I KNEW this throne..I KNEW this entire
My creator looked at me..like he was waiting for the realization to hit me fully...he was not smiling at this moment..he was rather serious..like he WANTED me to remember..the moment...of WHEN I had been there before...and was just patiently waiting for the memory to take shape...
Having realised I HAD been there before I said
"Lord creator.(I didnt know how else to address him at that time).I know..I know YOU..I KNOW you now..Ive seen you..this place..this throne..this sea of fire/glass..I HAVE been here..with you..but..when?..It does not seem like long ago..and yet..HOW?.."
He looked at me with a slight grin..he kinda looked proud of me in a way and said "
"15 years ago earth time you sat with me on my lap, up there on that throne. You were an infant..full of life and questions and curiosity. You were fresh from my mind..created almost an instant before, brought into being on earth direct from my very spirt itself. You were born very premature. You did not want to stay at first so I brought you here to explain a few things and give you a choice. But first I sent you back telling you your time was not yet..you had a destiny to fulfill and if you had stayed you would never see it take place. being an infant you did not understand, so back you came, rather stubbornly I might add. "
He continued..despite my looks of..WTF???...
"So I explained patiently..while bouncing you on my knee...the joy that awaited you..and millions of others..IF you went back and lived out your planned destiny. I told you that the reward for going back would be well worth it, and beyond imagination. You looked at me with baby blue eyes asking why..eyes I fashioned to look similar to mine. I like blue..its my favourite colour..as it is yours" (Yes..I love blue..always have..and there I found out why).
He went on to say...
"15 years ago earth time you didnt want any part in that destiny..you kept trying to leave your body..small and frail as it was..you wanted to be here with me..your "Daddy" as you called me from the depths of your innocent infant spirit. How I loved it..to hear you call me that. I am your "daddy"... I am everyones "Daddy" if only they would realise it..and through your final decision to return and live your life...many millions WILL."
I asked him..rather dumbfounded"So..I died as an infant..willingly..died..JUST so I could be here with you?"
He said "Yes..twice you actually succeeded..and you tried many other times as well..before you managed to stop your own heart by an act of your will. The first time I sent you right back after a brief explaination. The second time..I KNEW you would come back because I was the one who created IN you the curiosity and pure stubborness to GET a full explanation of the facts. You have an equiring mind..one I created FOR the purpose of your destiny..you will find it very useful in the days ahead..but also..it will also be a hinderance at times..but thats why I gave you a mind like this..to BE an "Overcomer".
An "overcomer" I said?...WHAT is that?
He smiled broadly and motioned his hand out over the sea stretching out before us to the "horizon"..."See this feild..this sea of glass??..in a few decades you, and millions of others will be here..and yes..your sister and daughters as well (Daughters..I will have DAUGHTERS??) will all be here..jumping and leaping for joy..as the climax of all creation is made known to all.
I asked him...
"So Ive been here..and chose to go back once you explained WHY I had to go back."?He said "Yes..I was very proud of you..you are a fighter..you never give up..although you do tend to be discouraged easily..but you also get up again and again..you never quit..THAT is why I am proud of you. You fall and fail..yet you try and try again. Its not how many time you fail I take note of..its how many times you get up again and keep going.
THAT is character..and character is all important and vital for what comes after your life on earth is complete."
I looked at him and said "Huh"?..(rather stupidly I might add)
He just grinned and said "There is coming a time soon..a few decades from now earth time...when all you have learnt..and all you will learn will find its meaning. You think you will sit around being all happy here in this place doing nothing forever? NO..you will have work to do..places to oversee..administration..government..all very busy..and decisions will be needed..from people with character..people who have gone through the fires and beat them..and..people who are wise..strong..resillient..steadfast..in a word..overcomers"
He went on to say "Now you know why you never knew me except as an infant. You know why...because in all the things you have gone through these last 15 years..you grew character..without the "Crutch" of religion....you fought on and on..you overcame your weak frail body..it grew strong..you overcame the sicknesses that resulted from your premature birth...
you overcame the anger and grief of your mother...you overcame the incessant teasing at school..the bullying and the physical beatings..just because you were "Different"...you saw through the lies on tv..you never bought into the rubbish...the deceptions..you kept on and on..always asking..looking..reading and searching..for deep down you KNEW there was more to this life than met the eye..and deep down..
was the seed I had planted there when you and I had our little chat..and now here you are today...and I am answering your question in full..for know..that all was not in vain..life DOES have a purpose..far greater than you can ever imagine."
I stood there..taking it all in..it suddenly all made sense...all the trouble I had been in..the hurt..the pain..the despair..the victories..again and again..a cycle of defeats..followed by victories..and followed again by defeats..and followed again by victories.
I was always alone..never a friend...but I kept going..I KNEW..even though I actually "Beleived" in nothing..that I was WRONG somehow in that "beleif"..which..after all..was NOT a belief but an assumtion.
He stood there...letting it all soak in..it all fit together..and explained a lot of what had happened in my childhood..the early formative years of the basic character I would need in the next three decades..as he was just about to warn me about...
He said "Come with me..up there.."
We both rose up to the throne..and we sat on it together..looking out over the sea of citrine yellow fire..glowing in awesome majesty..vacant..for now...
(I was not actually "Sitting" as I was in spirit..no body as such..but you get the idea)
He pointed down to a spot near the front of the throne..slightly to the right of it and said
"Know this for a fact...in less than 4 decades from now earth time..YOU..and your two daughters..will be standing right there..on that very spot..you will be leaping and shouting victory..joy..gladness..your arms around your young ones, who I will bless you with at the right time..and there you will finally understand all that you are to go through in the next 35 years. Behind you..surrounding you..will be many many people..who will only be there because of your words..what you say..and because of the moment you said them. No one will know you..you will not be on a stage..or on a movie or in a book. Just your words..will spread out and impact many lives.
There..standing there where I am pointing
(He raised his hand and pointed to the exact spot I will be standing in three decades or so from then)
I will acknowledge you to the others..the ones who are there because you CHOSE to stay on and fight through..I will let them all know your name..and then you can spend the rest of the 1000 years meeting them all..and sharing your testimony in person..and hearing theirs.It will be an amazing time for you..you will be utterly astounded at just who you reached with your words..and their effects.
Nothing happens for nothing.
Your words..born in the fires of agony and trials..will touch many lives..and also save many lives..and the reason I tell you this now.."
(He suddenly got all serious..His smile of joy at the future memory of this event faded..and the present came rushing back in..and with..a tear?...in his eye..and a sadness I could only see the edge of..)
"In the years ahead..you will try to find me..here..there...you will look and search...you will try churches..drugs..alcahol..parties..friends..all looking for me...trying to find WHERE I can be found on earth. You will forget most of what I have told you today UNTIL the day BEFORE it all comes to pass..and your true destinty begins..which will be in your 44th year ...."
(THAT is tomorrow..I turn 44..and YES..its only NOW..the DAY BEFORE..that I remember EVERY WORD he said to me that day so long ago..until TODAY...I could only remember bits..and the place itself..NOT the warnings or the details)
"...in the years ahead..you will long to die..you will experience such deep despair..such grief..so much pain.
The fires will forge you.,.stronger and stronger you will become with each forging. There will be three times you will attempt to take your life..which I will prevent..three times you will survive..and get up and keep going..again..each step..closer to the final product."
"You will die to yourself..you will die to this world..you will eventually die out to the "Need" of human love..finding it to be untrustworthy and fickle .You will know in the end..only MY love is certain..and only I can be counted upon.
And on that day..you will walk as a lion..fearless..dead to the world..trusting only in me..and THAT..is the reason I will let you wander..to find out once and for all as Solomon once did..that ALL..apart FROM me..is vanity.
And there..lies real strength...and courage..and wisdom...and with those three attributes forged INTO you by the fires of life itself..you will march forth in your 44th year..and devastate so many lies...so many half truths..you will clear a pathway..just with your words..to truth..to life..and many will follow..but NOT YOU...they will folllow the TRUTH you have learnt so hard.
No one will EVER know who you are..until that day..the day I tell all, in front of the vast crowd..your accomplishments. Both yours..and many other warriors who will have done similar to you.
You will recieve your reward then..no sooner.
So..go now..back to earth...and I will be with you every step..I will guide your every step..and I will not let a single hair on your head be harmed.
There will be many attempts on your life by the evil one..I will gaurd you..see there?
(He pointed out across the feild..and there..hovering above the feild were two angels..BIG ones..stern..strong..6 feet across at the shoulders..at least 16 feet high...each dressed like a warrior..with a ten foot long broadsword in a jeweled scabboard..ready for anything)
These two have been with you since birth..they are your protectors..in the days of your destiny you will get to know them personally..but until then they will remain hidden..from you..and from others..but NOT from the forces of darkness...who will flee left and right at their very look..thus no harm will ever come to you..you must be kept alive at all costs..even against your own attempts to end your life..you cant even harm yourself..much as you are going to want to.
(As it turns out..I DID try to kill myself three times..and each time..it failed...overdose..nothing..just woke up a week later feeling great...drink myself to death?..nup...I always passed out or vomited it all up..CAR accident?..Head on crash at over 130 kph into a concrete pole which left the car a burning wreck?..same..was flung from the car as it burst into flame..not a hair singed..and not a scratch...that was my last attempt..I gave up trying to kill myself after that..no point.)
He then looked me right in the eye..with his amazing eyes of multi hued blue fire and said..
"(My name)...in the years immediately following this conversation..you will remember only parts of what I have said. Here and there I will allow a breif flash of remembrance.During dark times..when you need it the most.
But for the most part your decisions..and mistakes..and outright rebellions, will be your own. But they too are a part of what you must learn. You will even get very angry at me in several years time..when you fail to find me in any churches or doctrines or drugs or books or seminars. You will even curse the day you were born..and your anger and grief will lead to some dreadful mistakes..but those same mistakes will be the making of you..your anger and your grief at not "Finding me" will in fact be what allowes you to find me in the end.
A week before you turn 44 the final test will come..your family will disown you and turn against you...and in that moment you will make a final decision (WHCICH I did) which will enable the memory of all I have told you to re-surface one day before you turn 44..and when you do..begin...for your 44th year is when everything you have ever learnt will come into play. The world will grow very dark..people will be dying and losing hope..BE that hope for them..and tell them..they DO have a "Daddy"..that I am here FOR them..and that nothing in their lives has happenned for nothing either..as I hold all events..and every life..well and truly in the palms of my hand. Now go..and I will see you again here...in just under 4 decades your time, from now.
Then..BANG...just like that..I opened my eyes...and looked at the clock next to my bed...I was there for what seemed like hours..or days..but only about five minutes had passed.
And true to his word...I forgot almost everything he said...until today...